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This account is reprinted by permission from the June, 1999 issue of the False Memory Syndrome Foundation Newsletter, p. 13.

MPD Misdiagnosis

After seeing all the recent television coverage on MPD, I felt many fear alarms inside me. The fear comes from knowing what lies ahead for those still trapped in the deception and who may remain misinformed. It is hard for me to see doctors and the media still romanticizing MPD, as if the mind is a toy for them to play with. Repeatedly, the personalities and recovered memories are accepted without question. The message is that MPD is good, it's always real, and it's always caused by childhood trauma.

Indeed, it can be magical. But I did not ask for magicians to help me. I did not ask for my life to become good drama, good entertainment. I left this type of therapy without any benefit, and I know there is much more that isn't being told.

When I look back at my MPD misdiagnosis, the only truly "multiple" aspects were the suicide attempts, the deceptions and the despair. It upsets me that people don't understand and are not informed about the trauma of coping with the effects of bad therapy.

People don't seem to realize how much it can effect someone to have all those records and a history of so much misinformation. The records don't ever say "possible, alleged." They say MPD, SRA, over and over again. There are no statements saying "probable, controversial, experimental."

People get caught up in the fascination of MPD but have no idea how damaging it can be. They think it's intriguing how the mind can do that, as if it's always real, like it's so cool and must have been fun. But it's not. It's not fun at all.

I know because I got caught up in believing it was supposed to be a great gift to survive. But that's all there was. The fascination grew old quickly. The rest was terror -- not being sure who you are anymore. Living that way was not fun or fascinating at all.

It's not fun when your therapist constantly changes the subject or won't talk to you unless you give her the name of the alter who's talking. It's not fun when your therapist treats you like nothing you say is important unless you can tell her "who's out." It's not fun to tell her nobody is out and then get labeled with another alter named "Nobody." It's not fun when nothing you say is important unless so-and-so is talking. It's not fun constantly trying to figure out who might be talking or trying to figure out a name before you can even talk. It's not fun when who's "out" becomes more important than what you are trying to say!

It's not fun when your therapist spends five minutes talking to you and the rest of the hours talking with every alter she can. And it's certainly no fun being too afraid to say anything because you don't know who you are supposed to be. Then you end up just sitting there in great pain and confusion, having to listen to your therapist's speeches over and over telling you how you feel, or should feel, all the time. No, it's not fun and no one should ever be used as anyone's amusement.

A Daughter of Good Parents

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